...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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