hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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