When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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