Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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