true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
