I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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