I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
