The maid of honor just puked.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
