After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
