She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
