Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
