party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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