I wish I could teleport
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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