NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
