I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
