Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You are the jesus of drinking
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
