We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Randomize
