I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
