I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Randomize
