Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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