Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
