the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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