I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
