How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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