She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
