The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
