More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
