So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
