Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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