you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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