Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
