Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
