We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
