I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
