I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
