I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
