Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
