So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
