WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
