Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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