That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
