My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
