so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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