I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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