Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize