I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Just high enough for therapy.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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