She is in my trunk
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
