ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
