I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
