I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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