It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
