Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize