Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Randomize
