Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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