after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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