I think i peed on brittanys purse
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
