I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Randomize
