he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
