You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
