i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
