a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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